Half of Me Read online

  The fire investigator thought an electrical fire had started in the control panel in the basement, but it’d take days, possibly weeks, to be certain.

  Jacob offered to let us stay at his place, and I graciously yet hesitantly accepted. I knew I could room with Camila and Ben, but it made the most sense to crash at Jacob’s since I was his kids’ nanny. Maya declined Jacob’s offer and said she was going to Liz’s house. She knew Liz’s mom would spoil her rotten.

  When Jacob and I got back to his place, it was after three in the morning. We were able to sleep for about two hours before Jenna woke up, hungry. I was supposed to work at the hospital for a couple of hours, but I called off. It wouldn’t do the babies or me any good if I couldn’t focus on my job one hundred percent. If I made one mistake because I was too tired, it could cost a life, and it wasn’t a chance I was willing to take.

  Even though I skipped work, the day was still grueling. Jagger was extra energetic, and Jenna was fussy and wanted someone to hold her at all times. By the time Jacob, Jagger, and I finished a quick dinner, I didn’t feel like going out on the date I had planned.

  Since Jacob had started dating again, I forced myself to enter the playing field as well. It wasn’t going great, but I knew myself well enough to know that, that would be the case. My boyfriend of three years had cheated on me without my knowledge, dumped me because I couldn’t have children, and then rubbed it in my face when I saw him at the park with a woman he’d claimed was his friend and was now carrying his child. My heart was a fragile organ, and if exposed too soon, it would more than likely take another beating, and I wasn’t sure it would keep on ticking.

  “When is your date supposed to pick you up?” Jacob asks me when I walk into the kitchen after feeding Jenna and putting her down for the night. He loads the last plate into the dishwasher and turns it on.

  Lifting my phone, I scan the time. “An hour.”

  Turning, Jacob’s eyes roam up and down my figure with a smirk playing on his lips.

  “What?” I pop my hip out and place my hand on it.

  “You going like that?” He indicates my attire.

  Looking down, I laugh and do a little model pose. “What? You don’t think he’ll find a topknot, hoodie covered in spit-up, yoga pants, and cabin socks sexy?”

  When I lift my gaze back to Jacob’s, his eyes have gone dark. It causes my breath to catch in my chest and my heart to beat unsteadily.

  Clearing my throat, I say, “Well, I guess I should go pull myself together.”

  “Joslyn—” Jacob starts but is cut off by my cell chirping.

  My Message app flashes with a text from Kirk, my date for tonight. He says something has come up. He won’t be able to make it and asks if we can reschedule.

  “Oh, thank goodness.” I slouch against the counter and tap out a reply, stating it’s fine and we can talk at school. That’s where I met him—in the science building.

  “Good news?” Jacob works on opening a bottle of wine.

  “He has to cancel.”

  “And that’s a good thing?” The cork pops, and he pours himself a glass of cabernet.

  “After the busy day yesterday, almost no sleep last night, and the very limited supply of clothes and necessities I bought this afternoon, I don’t think I have it in me to be date-worthy.”

  I set my phone down. I’d love to turn it off, but the fire investigator or insurance agent might call. More than likely, they won’t ring this late on a Saturday, but I want to be available if they do.

  “Date-worthy?”

  Jacob lifts his glass of wine in offering, and I take it without hesitation.

  “Thanks. Yeah. You know, all cheery, outgoing, chatty, and fawny.” When Jacob arches his brow, I ask, “Men like to be fawned over by their dates, don’t they?”

  He pours himself a glass of wine, leans back against the counter, and takes a long sip while he studies me. “I like my women real. The only place I want people to brownnose me is in the office, and I pay my employees hefty salaries to do so.”

  “Well, must be nice to be you.” I jiggle my head at him.

  “It is sometimes,” he says cockily.

  I roll my eyes. “I guess I should kiss your ass then. You’re technically my boss.”

  “No, I want you just like this.” His voice has gone low.

  Just then, Jagger rushes into the kitchen. “Daddy, can we watch movies, eat popcorn, and have ice cream tonight?”

  “I don’t see why we can’t, little guy.” Jacob sets his glass down and addresses me, “You up for a movie night?”

  Jagger’s eager face lifts to mine. “Will you, Joslyn, please?”

  I squat down, so I’m at eye-level with Jagger. “Since you asked so nicely, I would love to.”

  “Yay!” Jagger runs a couple of circles around the island and then out to the living room.

  I hear him shuffling through his impressive movie collection and talking to himself.

  “He might not need more sugar,” Jacob comments.

  I chuckle.

  “Wanna watch Aladdin?” Jagger yells from the other room.

  I grin. He knows I love anything Disney.

  “That’s perfect,” I say.

  Jacob pulls out a sippy cup for Jagger and fills it with water. I rummage through the pantry until I find regular butter popcorn for Jacob and Jagger and sweet and buttery for me.

  After a few minutes, Jacob and I walk into the living room, each holding a bowl of popped goodness and full wine glasses. Taking the plastic cup out from under his arm, Jacob hands Jagger his drink, and we settle into the couch to watch Aladdin cause shenanigans with Genie and try to impress Princess Jasmine with his magic carpet.

  Before I know it, the bowls of popcorn are emptied, three sundaes have been consumed, and Jagger is passed out on the couch between Jacob and me. When the credits to Cars roll, Jacob stands and lifts Jagger into his arms.

  “I’ll put him to bed. If you’re up for it, you can search Netflix for a more age-appropriate movie we can watch.” He winks.

  “Sure.” I’m tired, but after eating all that sugar, I don’t think I can fall asleep yet.

  I click through a couple of movies without any luck. When Jacob sits back on the couch, I hand the remote to him. He flips through several choices, and we end up agreeing on a new drama that came out this week.

  Halfway into the movie, I can’t stop yawning. It’s not keeping my attention, and I think the last glass of wine has finally made me tired enough to go to bed.

  I’m just about to say good night to Jacob when he asks, “How are you doing with everything, Joslyn?”

  I turn my head, and he’s watching me. Since he turned off the lamp when the movie started, the flickering light from the television casts his face in light and then darkness.

  “What do you mean?” I adjust myself to face him and rest my head against the back cushion of the couch.

  “We never got to finish our conversation yesterday. You saw your ex-boyfriend with his pregnant girlfriend, and then you got the news of your parents’ house burning. That’s a lot of shit to take in and process. Are you holding up okay?” He tilts his head.

  I nod.

  Like I thought, my moment of weakness yesterday helped secure the wall I’d built around myself. There will be many more instances where people, situations, and life in general will hurt me, and I have to be tough. I only have myself to rely on, and I can’t constantly break down and cry myself through everything. Only strong women have it in them to persevere, and I refuse to be the spineless girl cowering in the corner. I will now be the type of woman who stares hardships in the eye and flips them off.

  “I am, and I will be. I don’t have any other choice.”

  I grin at him, and he gives me a sad smile back.

  “Well, I’m here if you need anything,” he says reverently.

  “Thank you.” I close my eyes, stretch, and yawn again. “I’m beat. I think I’m going to hit the sack.”
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br />   When I open my lids and glance at him, he’s gazing at me so firmly, it makes me tremble.

  I pull my sweatshirt down and fidget. I can still feel his stare, like it’s branding me on the inside, and I don’t know how to act or what to do.

  “Jacob?” I question, wanting his inquisitiveness to stop.

  “You’re so damn beautiful.” His voice is deep and throaty, sending a shiver down my spine.

  His words cause my throat to dry, and I find myself watching him, saying nothing. I can’t even utter a thank-you.

  After we sit in the darkened silence with only the television flickering light in the background, the air becomes heavy between us. An ache starts to form between my legs, and I squirm on the couch, trying to relieve the pressure. Jacob watches me through half-lidded eyes, his lips parting.

  Hot damn, he’s sexy as hell.

  “I…I, uh, should get to bed.” My voice has gone husky, giving away my desire. I stand, almost tripping over the yearning sitting between my thighs. “Night,” I squeak out as I try to scurry toward the bedrooms.

  “Joslyn,” he barks.

  I stop with my back toward him.

  “I want you, and I know you want me, too.”

  I hear him stand from the couch and stalk toward me.

  His approaching nearness causes my breath to catch.

  He steps behind me, the front of his body outlining the back of mine. The heat that singes between us is almost unbearable, making my knees shake.

  “Tell me you don’t feel what’s between us. Tell me you don’t want it,” he growls in my ear.

  His hands go to my hips—so hot, they’re like branding irons—and he turns me so that I face him. The desire in his blue eyes sears me, and my frame melts into his.

  “Jacob…”

  “What, Joslyn? What do you want? Tell me.” His voice is gravelly.

  I need to get what’s happening between us under control. He’s my boss, and as much as I want whatever this is between us to develop, it can’t.

  “I—” I have to clear the need from my throat. “I want to go to bed.”

  The statement makes his pupils dilate and his nose flare.

  “To go to sleep,” I clarify. “Alone.”

  I’m such a freaking liar!

  “Bullshit. You’re attracted to me, and you want this as much as I do.”

  Before I know what’s happening, he presses his body into mine.

  I’m completely screwed.

  CHAPTER 15

  * * *

  THIRSTY FLOWER

  Jacob’s large frame pushes me back against the wall until there’s no personal space between us. Every curve of his muscular body lines up with my softness, as if we were shaped from the same mold. It’s an intimate position, one with intent. Intent I’m not certain I’m ready to handle.

  My gaze seeks his, and the dark blue pools of need cause heat to flash through my body at a rapid speed.

  “Prove to me I’m wrong about you”—he grabs my wrists and pins them above my head with one hand—“about what’s between us. Your mouth tells me you’re not attracted to me, but your body screams you are.”

  “No.” Finding strength from some miracle place within me, I stand my ground. I lift my chin and try to appear determined. I’m surprised at how strong my voice sounded, especially since my heart is thudding against my chest like an animal that has been confined for far too long. And then there’s the fact that I’m lying through my big fat teeth.

  “No?” His mouth curls into a cocky smirk.

  It sets something burning inside me.

  Jacob runs his nose along my jaw and over my cheek until his lips rest against my ear. “Are you saying you don’t want this to go further?”

  I swallow and nod weakly.

  “You’re lying,” he growls. “And there’s only one way to prove it.”

  He releases my wrists, tightly grasps my hair, and yanks my head backward as he pulls me even closer to him. His lips crash down on mine, and they’re everything I imagined they would be—warm, tender, persistent.

  So fucking soft.

  This is the dominant man I knew lurked beneath the easygoing exterior Jacob has worn around me. This man knows what he wants and commands it to be given to him, and I’m lost to his will.

  It’s only been seconds since Jacob’s lips took mine prisoner. The world could shatter around us, and I wouldn’t have a clue. I’m his slave, bending to the demand of his lips, his body. In this moment, he owns me. There’s no protest, only submission. I’m complete putty in his hands.

  As his mouth devours mine in a rhythm that’s all our own, his tongue slides against the crease of my lips. Completely lost to him, I open like a thirsty flower. He sweeps into the cavern, like he’s had control of me since day one, which is the truth.

  He tastes like wine, popcorn, promises, and forbidden pleasure. It’s an instant addiction, and I know I’ll never taste anything as potent or satisfying as Jacob Ancroft.

  Sucking my bottom lip into his mouth, he bites the sensitive skin, and it’s not gentle. He releases a husky groan as he grinds his erection against me. I shiver. The sensation of him is almost enough to push me over the precipice of this-is-wrong, but a nagging sensation in the back of my head reminds me that this shouldn’t happen. This could ruin everything for me.

  Finding strength from deep within, I press my hand against his rock-hard chest and push him back just enough to break our connection. Each of us is dragging in labored breaths, worked up almost to the point that nothing could make us stop. Jacob’s blue eyes have gone stormy, almost dangerous, and are drenched in so much heated desire that my knees buckle. If it wasn’t for the wall I’m pressed up against, I’d slither to the floor. The absence of his lips makes me feel empty, and my body already aches for what he promised with his short kiss.

  “Jacob, stop.” I hate that my voice sounds so small, pathetic.

  “Why, Joslyn?” comes out in a pant.

  Because you’ve shattered me beyond repair, and I’m already trying so desperately to heal.

  “Tell me why this mouth is denying me what I want most this very second.” He traces my lips with his thumb. “Is it because of your schooling, my children, or your insecurities? What scares you, Joslyn? Tell me, so I can resolve it. I get paid mass amounts of money to mend things”—he leans in and breathes against my mouth—“so let me fix you.”

  My stomach falls, and it feels like a thousand birds take flight in my chest. This man and his words slay me, but I have to keep my wits about me.

  “Because,” I say feebly as my eyes meet his fiery blue pools, “you know it’s wrong.”

  “I don’t know it.” Jacob steps back. “My daughter hasn’t been your patient in months, and I’m no longer married.” His brows knit together.

  “When Juliana died giving birth to Jenna, I became a widower, and I’m completely alone in this.” He runs a hand through his thick dark hair. “Although it might not seem like enough time has passed for me to grieve my wife, our marriage was over long before she died.” Jacob’s hand falls to his side with a muffled thud. “She cheated on me with my best friend since childhood, Joslyn. I walked into my house and found the two people I trusted most in this world fucking in my bed.” His voice is heated as he points down the hall, toward his room.

  I worry his elevated tone will wake the kids, and I’m about to tell him to lower his voice when he steps closer to me.

  “We’re adults. I don’t give a shit about what anyone else thinks. This is between you and me.” He grabs my hip and tightens his hand. He runs his fingers up along the shape of me to rest against my cheek. “Can you tell me you haven’t felt this attraction brewing between us since the day we met in the park?” He leans his forehead against mine, our noses touching. “I’m a man of discipline and control, but when I’m around you, I feel everything wavering. It’s been so goddamn hard to keep my hands off you, and I want to do a hell of a lot more than kiss, but I’ll t
ake what I’m given. For now.” His thumb moves to trace over my lips again. “If you can tell me you don’t want me, if you don’t want this”—he teases his lips over mine—“I’ll disappear into my bedroom and you into yours, and we can pretend this never happened. You’ll go back to being the hot nanny, and I’ll be…I’ll be whomever I need to be.”

  I squeeze my lids closed, so his penetrating blue eyes aren’t holding mine prisoner, begging for me to give him something I’m not sure I can give.

  “Joslyn—”

  “Daddy?” Jagger’s voice falls over us like a bucket of ice water.

  We break apart, as if the other were on fire. Our chests heave at the possibility of Jagger’s innocent eyes witnessing our inappropriate behavior. Fear claims each of us as we peer down the hallway. But Jagger’s not there.

  Thank goodness.

  We each exhale in relief and turn back to each other. Jacob rests his cheek against mine. I close my eyes and relish in what I know can’t be mine for very long—peace with this man in my arms.

  “Daddy?” Jagger croaks louder.

  “Ye—” Jacob clears his throat. “Yeah, buddy?”

  “My tummy hurts.” His voice filters down the hallway.

  Jacob’s shoulders sag. His hooded eyes watch me as I force myself to pull away from him. I retreat back into the living room, putting some much-needed distance between the two of us.

  “I’m coming, little man.” He turns slowly and saunters away until he disappears into Jagger’s room.

  And, just like that, the spell is broken.

  “Joslyn?” Jacob’s voice interrupts my dream.

  I grumble and flip over in bed, so my back is to him.

  “Joslyn?” he says louder as he shakes me.

  “What?” I pull the blankets over my head.

  Jacob chuckles.

  Jerk.

  I swear, I just fell asleep. It took me forever to calm down after the kiss we shared.

  “Jagger’s still sick and asking for you now.”

  And that’s the only thing he can say that will get me out of this bed.